Election Time ! Yeah !

I love the elections .
Simply put,the Indian Elections are awesome !

Because .

Roads are newly laid.
All potholes are covered.
Streetlights work properly.
Best part,schools and colleges get off !

As you all know Tamil Nadu has two major Parties !
DMK headed by KARUNANIDHI and his own bunch of rogues.
AIADMK headed by JAYALALITHAAAAA a.k.a AMMA ( Mother ) .

Did you see what all stuff are being offered ??
I mean,the election manifesto is just awesome !

If Karunanidhi began his campaign promising free laptops to SC/ST students and 35 kg free rice to BPL families,wet grinders and mixies, Jayalalithaa went a step further and offered housing plots, greenhouses and 4gm of gold to all poor women for their thali’ (chain worn by married women) and subsidised cable TV connections apart from free rice, laptops and wet grinders. Both have wooed senior citizens aged over 58 with offers of free bus passes.

Ah ! How thoughtful of them !
They are such great people offering such wonderful goodies,why would you not vote for them ?

Ok. You cant vote for both of them !
You need to choose between the two.
Let me help you,
It all depends on what you want.

You want a free Laptop ? Vote for HIM .
Movies,Music and Porn.
Life cant be any better without your own laptop.
Or are you planning to marry your girlfriend soon and you are pretty sure you’ll be chucked out of the house ! Dont worry . Because your soon-to-be wife will get 4gms of gold,THALI.
But are you one who doesnt believe in the THALI ?
Get it anyway. With the cost of gold today you can sell the THALI and make a neat profit. So either way its a win-win situation !
One more reason you should be voting for HER is,she’s giving Housing Plots. Now that your parents have chucked you out,you need a place to stay.
So just use the oppurtunity to buy a plot and keep your wife happy.

Are you thinking of starting your own hotel ?
Then you should probably be voting for HIM.
35 kg’s rice free.
Last time our “Honourable” Chief minister provided Rice at Re1/kg.
Apparently,the hens were really happy with the quality of grains offered but the dogs wouldnt go anywhere near it.
So pray,this time its better.
You also get wet-grinders and mixies !
What more do you want for starting your own hotel ? UH ?

You know,She is very intelligent.
HE has given free Color Tv’s to everyone.

But what’s the point having one if you have no Cable Connection !
How long can one stare at the empty screen!
So,SHE has made a very intelligent move !
SHE is giving subsidised CABLE CONNECTION !

Ohh,wait. Ther is more.
Last time my house maid voted for,the Congress candidate standing.
Not cos he promised a cosy life with wonderful goodies,but because he paid 500 bucks to everyone who voted for him.
And the best part,my maid put that money in the bank and sometime last year used that money to buy her own SLIDE mobile-phone.

SCREW the guy who said India is still a developing-country .

Top Ten Things am waiting for :

10.Make Polygamy Legitimate – Whats the fun being married to only one woman and having to listen to her bitch incessantly about you,your family and your forefathers. When you think its time to leave her,you just leave her and close in on your next target. Hell yea,even our very honorable CM has 3 wives ! So what’s stopping you ? Go ! Have fun !

9.Declaring Wednedsay also a Sunday – Its so boring for having to work 6 continous days,5 for those lucky few who get saturday’s also off ! So lets just declare wednesday also a holiday. So we’l work on monday’s and tuesdays. Then Thursday and Friday and have a nice Weekend !

8.Free A/C – Its time they announced it,that too with the summer season nearly upon us. No-one wants to watch TV in a hot atmosphere.

7.Free Beer – With the majority of the population falling under the “Indulging in social drinking” category,its time they started giving out free beer. Am tired of having to pay for my beer. They should also have combo offers in the TASMAC like,”Buy 2 whisky and 1 Rum,get 1 Beer Bottle” Free.

6.Free Movie/Match Tickets – Gee,with the cost of tickets now,its burning a huge hole in everyone’s pocket. The government should probably tie up with SATHYAM cinemas and offer free ticket. If not for everyone,atleast for people BPL. And yea,free IPL tickets to every college student.

5.MoU’s with Foriegn Countries – Its kinda boring to have the same old people ruling our nation and doing the same nasty things. The government of INDIA should probably sign Memorandum Of Understanding with other foreign countries. Our politicians should be sent on a exchange program to foriegn legislative’s and we should have some-one along the likes of Carlo Bruni or Late Princess Diana isntead. Who cares if they’re qualified politicians or not. They add to the OOMPH factor. Like foreign exchange students,the government should have foreign exchange Politicians.

4.Free Engineering Degrees – Not everyone can afford the amount needed for education,especially with the cost of engineering courses running into a few lakhs to few crores. Its time government selected the top 10 students from the board exam results and gave them free Engineering Degrees without them having to sit in a single day in college. The same can be applied for a medical degree.

3.Free Automobiles – Enough with the cycles and Stuff. No one wants them anymore. All people want is fast moving powerful vehicles. Its time some one offered a free motor-bike or something. And with CARS becoming cheaper and cheaper by day,we can soon expect free cars also.

2.Free electricity – Yeah,so. Free TV’s,Free cable connection but its such a pain having to pay for it. Why not just give everyone free electricity. Makes everyone happy.

AND the MOST IMPORTANT :

1.Free Petrol – Free automobiles. Done. But whats the point having one if you cant drive it. The Government should Give away petrol for free or atleast half the rate ! Make’s every one happy including your second wife with three cars !

And after all this , IF there is still some money LEFT with the government , they should be giving it to the POOR and NEEDY for free .

Ah , i see a bright future for INDIA .

2020 , Ready or not , Here we come !

So , go in large numbers and VOTE .

Remember you have the POWER to decide INDIA’s future .

WITH GREAT POWER COMES …..
GREAT ELECTRICITY BILL .

But dont worry , you’ll soon get free electricity …..

Posted on March 27, 2011, in Just For Laughs. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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