5 Reasons Why Indian Politicians Are Babies

And why Indian Citizens Are Like Their Irresponsible Parents

They Think They Are All Powerful

FAIL = Indian Politicians

WHAT?

We all know that one kid in school who thought he was so strong that he could do anything. He was also egged on by “Pokemon” or “Dragonball Z” or “WWE”. Either way, he was always confident of his physical power and went into fights confidently. Naturally, on one particular fight, he would end up getting owned and would whimper away.

AND?

The Indian politician is like this. Clearly, he thinks he is strong and untouchable and immovable. That explains why they stay on as party presidents for 2000 years. Unfortunately, whatever goes “up” must also come “down”. Basic law of nature. Right? That’s how Thala Newton mythically discovered gravity and tortured us for 8 years of our lives. DAMN YOU TO EATING APPLES IN HEAVEN ALWAYS NEWTON!!!

Someone should tell the Indian politician that they can’t stay on their pedestal for ever. Sooner or later, they will fall. Then it will be Epic LULZ!

Indian Citizen?

They are like the idiot parents who don’t care for their kids because “it’ll all become fine one day” or just a plain “what can I do?”.

They Think They Know Everything

Like this guy

WHAT?

That stupid know-it-all. In class, in your apartment building, in your life, in the playground, anywhere, there always exists this idiot know it all who is so supremely confident about what he knows (even if its utter shit, which it will be), that he won’t admit to anything else!!

And then, if he is wrong, he will give some far-fetched stories about how he is not wrong or how he thought he was right or some lame assed bullshit like that.

AND?

The Indian politician is like this. They make up stories and conspiracy theories as to why something is happening, because clearly they cannot wrap their heads around the fact that people apart from them have brains and feelings and voices and balls. That’s why Manish Tiwary sought to brand Anna Hazare an RSS agent : because only the BJP and the Hindutva groups can think of standing up to the Congress. A social activist? ROFL!! Get real, buddy.

Indian Citizen?

Like any irresponsible parent, the Indian citizen does not put the politician in his place when he starts ranting and blabbering. “Hey there kiddo! You’re wrong!! Make that mistake again and we will spank your sorry ass!!” is a not seen often dialogue. They just keep quiet, because kids will be kids, right?

Right…

They Get Easily Offended And Never Admit To Their Faults

STOP CRYING!!! ANYTHING IF YOU STOP CRYING!!

WHAT?

So there I was, walking along one day, minding my own business when this kid smacked a ball into my face! I accused him of being a bad footballer and told him he will never ever be like Cristiano Ronaldo, even though I did not know him. He started crying and ran away. Does that make me a bully? I don’t know. Football on face usually makes me a large green man, also known as Hulk. It’s painful, ya. He also did not say sorry, because I was clearly in the way of his 720 degree super curled shot. It was my fault.

AND?

Politicians are the same. They are easily offended and hardly ever admit to their mistakes. Accuse one of wrong doing, and even if you are just a normal person who has done no wrong, they will bring dirt up from somewhere, nowhere or Mars if they feel like it. Like it happened with the good Anna Hazare.

“Yo maan, this corruption shit aint chill” says Hazare to Random Congress Idiot

“Who forced you in on this? How come you did not protest during BJP rule? You are an RSS SPY!! SPY I TELL YOU!!!”, sez Random Congress Idiot.

“Lulz you gettin ur ass kicked maan” replied Hazare, before floating to exactly 143.6 m and sleeping at 56′ to the horizontal. He is BOSS, he is BEAST and Congress getting they asses whooped next elections.

Indian Citizens?

We don’t teach them what is right or wrong and have never taught them even the vaguest concept of accountability. If they do a mistake, replace them, instead of keeping them. Do not condone their stupidity and irritating arrogance. Put them in their place, or replace them.

Of course this metaphor would be criminal in real life and you will get thrown in jail if you “replace” your disobedient kid (whatever replace means :S) but as long as you get the metaphor, I am happy.

They Can Be Easily Bribed Into Doing Things They Don’t Want To Do

Pictured : Some sweet intra-political bribing. That kid is voting for the other kid.

WHAT?

Hahahaha!! OWNED, right? We ALL know this example. Kid > not studying >  give him chocolate > studying. I had to bribe that asshole kid to do his job!! DAMNIT!! What a eerily similar situation we have with our “powerful” netas.

AND?

Well, as I said 4 lines ago, it is an eerily similar situation with our netas and their minions and puppy dog suck up “loyal” fans. “I WANT MY LICENSE” you say, well pay 1000 bucks to get it extra fast. “I WANT MY WATER TO BE CLEAN” you say. Well, pay 100000 bucks and get it done. They will be unhappy otherwise.
Indian citizens?

We have brought up a bunch of spoilt brats who think they’ll get everything when they demand it. Clearly, the concept hasn’t caught on yet fully. If we stop spoiling them now before it gets worse, then life at home, ergo, India, will improve mucho pronto. They will whine and cry, but once they get to know that they ain’t getting shit until they do their shit, they’ll fall in place. Amiright?

They Are Actually Stupid

Not pictured : IQ > 0

WHAT?

Yeah! You know that kid who just sits and digs his nose. And when you ask him to remove his shovel from his nostril, he just turns around and continues to do it. “If you can’t see me, I ain’t doin’ it”, yells his immature logic. Then you remove the shovel from his hand and handcuff him to the dog, saying “exercise is good for ya, you little punk” with a satisfied smile.

AND?

Well Indian politicians are like that. If you can’t see them, they did not do it. If you saw them, however, then “the due process of the law” must take place. They have used that phrase so many times its a cliche for politicians. We should call them Duelawprocessors instead. They think we don’t know of their hijinks. They think we can’t do anything about it. They think we don’t care.

Indian citizens?

We are mighty irresponsible by being passive to their nonsense. Instead of saying “get a life, loser and set your house straight before I whoop your sorry ass”, we say, “abey chal hut! what can we do?”. How sad. If only the parents we’re more responsible, their kids will be better too.

And incase you did not get it SO far, this post is an extended metaphor for democracy. Politicians exist only because of citizens. It’s time our leaders in India learnt that hard, hard, cold fact or prepare for some 3:16.

I just had to use this somewhere

“Time to go, brat”

Oh but YOU HAVE TO IMPROVE!!! Otherwise NO CHOCOLATE!!

 

Here is a useful link : http://www.chetanbhagat.com/2011/04/mera-neta-chor-hai/

Posted on April 6, 2011, in Lists. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

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