4 Things You Must Absolutely Know About Youtube

If you don’t know what YouTube is, I fully understand. Cats sitting on keyboards hardly know anything. Go to sleep, kitty.

This is for all you humans out there. YouTube was certainly not a unique idea but it provided the UI for common people like you to upload and watch videos. I assume they had to write coding or whatever before that to do the things we take for granted these days.

But from a nice site that had delighted people uploading videos of their hilarious hijinks with cheesy music, it has now morphed into troll-heaven and a corporate jungle.

 

EVERYTHING IS FAKE

 

For example, if you uploaded a video about a UFO crashing into a coconut tree in a Thai beach, you will invariably get comments like this :

 

 

And I guarantee it.

Even if you saw a real UFO and took out your camera to film it, it’s fake. For the cynical idiots who make up the mass of the YouTube commentators, everything is either “FAKEE” or “GHEY”. Nothing can be real. This brings us to the next point.

 

TROLL HEAVEN

 

Trolls are users on the internet who are out there to deliberately fight with other users by posting offensive statements. Or they’re just idiots who can’t articulate their sentences properly and try to argue anyway.

Trolls are everywhere. They mostly comment on videos where tensions are already high, for example on a video about illegal Mexican immigrants in the United States, or about India-Pakistan cricket matches. And they say some really stupid things that always makes me wonder if the world has become this bad. I seriously lose a little hope in the world everytime I see a racist comment on YouTube or someone saying “What the fuck is this” on a video about a cute dog. Is the world really that bad?

Hopefully not.

Really, the first rule that you should follow on the internet is : nothing is free. Second rule is : Don’t say stuff that you won’t say in real life.

The trolls however, don’t bother about paltry things like common sense. They exist in various forms : grammar nazis, factual trolls, the ninja troll, or the idiot troll. Please glance at the following images to see what exactly I mean :

HOLY SHIT is this stuff for real.

But these people still exist mostly because YouTube is focusing on all the wrong things. Like..

 

CORPORATIZING THEMSELVES


There was a time on YouTube when you could upload videos with snazzy songs you downloaded from the internet. Those days are gone. YouTube killed it, put it in a coffin, sent it to the moon, destroyed the moon and created a blackhole to eat whatever was left. No seriously, that’s exactly what happened.

Now, you can’t do any such thing. You have record labels like SONY and EMI creating channels on YouTube. They attempt to “own” any video that has any song they own. They call it copyright. I call it being an obnoxious bunch of corporate assholes.

Since we won’t have rights for those songs, they just edit the music part out and YouTube either adds its own ANNOYING music or your video will be a silent movie from the 20’s.

This clearly sucks.

I tried uploading 2 videos with “The Friendly Indians : Psych Theme Song” as the background score. Both were cancelled out and an instrumental piece from the Russian orchestra was put in its place instead. WTF YouTube?!

 

VEVO

Oh but it doesn’t stop there. There exists a horrible abomination called Vevo, which indulges in geoblocking, or blocking videos that you can see based on your location. In other words, VEVO is only for American viewers and NOT for anyone outside of America.

 

 

 

VEVO is a channel that has tied up with some of the biggest record labels and those labels release their songs officially on YouTube via VEVO. That’s why you can now see channels like “JustinBeiberVEVO” or “EminemVEVO”. Each and every song they release is released by VEVO on YouTube.

The videos are of high quality (those that play anyway) but take a GODDAMNED AWFUL lot of time to load. Oh, and you HAVE to watch the ads they randomly include in between. That’s how they make money. By forcing their corporate assholery down your throat.

Also, if you have VEVO only songs playing on your video, then fuck you, because you just violated copyright. It doesn’t matter where you got that song from either.

If this doesn’t change/improve, I’m moving to Dailymotion. Fuck you, YouTube.

 

 

 

Posted on April 11, 2011, in Lists and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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