Rock, Paper, Scissor

Hello again, you worthless organic beings. It is I, buttchocolate.

I have returned after I finally met my brother, Kapow.

Yes, that is him. Don't be racist.

Let me introduce you to Rock, Paper, Scissor.

It is a game which kids play whenever they’re bored or alternatively, its a game played by politicians whenever situations get too intense and need to be solved dramatically and quickly.

In this “game”, rock beats scissor as it’s a heavy ass bastard and can stuff the living daylights out of scissor by sitting on it.

I agree.

Scissor cuts paper as, well, that’s what scissors were created for. To tear paper in an organized and brutal manner.

I agree.

If he understands, you understand as well.

Paper defeats rock because it can wrap itself around rock. ZOMGWTF : Seriously? Have you tried throwing rocks at newspapers in a newspaper stand?


If you have, you would have noticed that there were some very large areas where there was a definite lack of paper (also called “holes”), so created when the rock just passed straight through the paper.

Depending on your aim, you may have also hit the vendor who would have then proceeded to lecture you on the happenings in the Page 3 society : because no torture is worse than knowing what the rich, bored assholes are doing to grab attention.

Let me elaborate with the help of a useful video that spontaneously appeared here :

I agree that the video above did not quite have a rock going through paper.

It did, however, have the youngest champion of the Annual RPS Tournament held in Lolpur, Haryana.

Observe the simple delight he displays when his coach obliterates the formerly “sturdy” paper. You should note that he was sadly defeated when his opponent showed “paper” to his “rock”. Hard luck buddy, it happens to the best of us.

Coming back to the topic, whatever the hell that is.

Now I ask, how the FUCK does paper beat rock? Wrapping around rock?

What if the rock is Ayers rock in Australia and the paper is a regular old pussy assed A4? What then?

I’d like to see that pipsqueak paper beat “rock” in that situation.

Unfortunately, this rule also stood when RPS morphed into a very popular schooltime sport called Chi Ku Li Ba.

Don’t fuss about the name. Yes, it sounds like a choice obscenity you yell whenever a cow walks over your toes. But don’t be judgmental. That is a bad habit.

It’s actually a very popular past time game similar to RPS which has included one more asshole in its ranks, the Li, which is the knife.

If I remember right, Chi is the scissor, Ku is the rock, Li is the Knife and Ba is the paper. Guess what?

  • Chi beats Ba,
  • Li beats Ba,
  • Ba beats Ku,
  • Ku beats Chi
  • Ku beats Li and,
  • Li beats Chi.

Its a appendagic clusterfuck created by some very bored 9 year olds, or so I suspect.

The paper is beaten by two things, yet it beats the most badass weapon you can have, the rock. How is that even possible? Who makes up these shit rules?

It is on the extreme right of this useful scale. It has to be.

Whoever did it obviously used a “paper” that is stronger than the bones of the good Mr.Chuck Norris.

I retired from all forms of the game : one hand, one hand rapid fire, two hand and two hand rapid fire, because the rules were too fucked up. I will, however, come back from retirement, if the rules are tweaked a little and paper is made “the bitch”.

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Posted on April 23, 2011, in Just For Laughs and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

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