Yeah I know these long breaks that I take between writing posts is somewhat annoying, but I’ll explain my reasons clearly : I wanted a dog for a larger cause.
I live in Uppsala, Sweden. The Swedish chicks are very, very hot by the way. Wherever you look, it’s beautiful women. My God Swedes are beautiful.
Anyway.Let’s not get carried away by minimally important occasions like blonde and beautiful Swedish women.
I’ll tell you about my mission in India.
There are many dogs where I live and I’m responsible for taking care of all of them. I am literally the reason as to why cats are vanishing all over the world. I am actively breeding and feeding my canine pals because fuck cats, really.
At any given time, I may have upto 23 dogs with me.
I was called back to India by my compadres because of the huge mess there/here. You know, corruption and bullshit.
Note : I have to make it clear that the only messes I’m used to cleaning up are dog poop, esp 1 week old dog poop which solidifies to stone and can be used as construction material.
So I was called back in particular to help find the Prime Minister/Rahul Gandhi/President, who are curiously silent on all the issues plaguing India :
- Grolar bears
- Reducing size of Hersheys bars
- Oreo tasting like ITC Dark Fantasy
- And so on
So I approached this the only way I knew how to : find them with dogs.
I have 1254123.3 of them anyway, the .3 being a tiny pathetic Chihuahua.
But Emirates made their racism against dogs very clear and forbade me from bringing any of them on board, even when I offered to buy them all business class seats.
THATS WRONG MAN! They have cattle class but no class for dogs?! How stupid!!
So, now dogless, I went dog hunting as soon as I arrived in India.
I quickly learned that stray dogs are not good. They are miserable, annoying cheats.
I was walking along the road when they smelt a “biskoot” packet hidden deep in my pocket and started chasing me. I think my running away started it, but whatever. I fell down, they ransacked my bag and absconded with my previous Rs.5 Tiger biscuits.
I was mugged by stray dogs! India truly sucks if crime has gotten out of control to this level.
So I decided to buy dogs. I went into a Bluecross shelter and saw one particularly golden dog in a cage. Being a genetic capitalist, I was attracted to it.
I took it out and asked the guy there how much it was. He quoted a price, and I soon drove a hard and vicious bargain for and finally the price went up by 2000 bucks. How does my Gujarati friend do it?
Anyway, I put my dog in the car and went back in the shelter to retrieve my now empty bag, which I’d forgotten. Then I saw the dog I got back in the cage.
Enraged and flummoxed, I demanded my money back. The man flatly refused and asked me for money to get the dog back. Stunned, but still in pursuit of duty, I paid him money again and he gave me the dog, again.
I left the dog there because I’d again forgotten my bag and went to take it again when I saw the dog in the cage…again.
My mind was getting blown, but I was not about to be cheated. I stormed upto the guy and was stunned to see Durr there. I went back to the cage and saw Durr there. I went back to see Durr near the guy.
Then it struck me : there were 3 dogs (all of which I have now). Not just one. Hahaha, how stupid of me.
Yeah I know.
Anyway, I went about my duty of hunting for the missing PM/Rahul Gandhi/President and hey, no matter how dumb my dogs look (and are), they are absolute bosses on Twitter and our PM was found!!
Yes India, you’re welcome. Yours truly and yours truly ka dog x 3 have found the PM.