So I was telling my bestie about my recent and yet another failed attempt to convey my goddamned feelings to my three year long crush when she very casually narrowed the whole thing down to three very, very ridiculous points which left me peeved upon hearing:
1. You never have hopes on men! Most important lesson in life. And I think you’re very much self sufficient and I wonder why you need a guy….get over it, first!
2. You have to get to this state where you should feel its not necessary for you at all.
3. You dont need this right now! You have an aim….Never lose focus!
And i was expecting to be understood. I was blown away instead.
Firstly, am not ridiculing what she said. And I totally agree with the ‘you can never have hopes on men’ part but. She’s said it in a very convincing way to make me feel better and obviously, outta concern for me. I get that point. What I don’t get though, is, the way having a boyfriend or simply having a crush is viewed as by many intellectual people today. They think they’r smart which is plain pathetic. Stupid it is.
So, this is how having a boyfriend is viewed as- you have one when you’r insecure, cos you’re bored, cos you want to experiment, when your life isn’t what, sufficient? Not fulfilling? Does it mean you should have a boyfriend just for the heck of it? The LOVE part is totally absent? Just for time pass? Just to flaunt to the world that you’ve a boyfriend? So apparently, girls who’ve a lot on their plate, so called good girls, girls who have everything they’ve wanted mustn’t have boyfriends? Grrrrrr. Whatever happened to the fact that you have a boyfriend simply cos you actually LOVE him?! What, the love factor is totally lost????
The first question I’m asked, (accusingly) by everyone (alla them committed ladies at that) with eyebrows raised is “why’d you need a bf now???” (all this assuming the fact that letting my crush know I like him automatically means am doing it cos I want him for a bf 😐 ) Oh dint ya know? To help me with my homework everyday. Seriously. Seriously. And ask some lovely darlings out there why they dont have one and they say all proudly “I don’t need a bf thank you” as if it degrades them. Seriously. Some people think you get to the point of having a bf only when you think you need to complete your life. Which is…….stupid.
Second point. “You have to get to this state where you should feel its not necessary for you at all” So its like, having one is like an accessory you wear. Its not exactly necessary but it just adds to your image if you wear one. So having a bf is like, what, an insult to oneself? It means you’re looked upon as weak that attaining the point of not saying “wow see i dont need a bf ^_^” gives you a sense of self actualization ? Like, its an achievement when you think ‘i dont need a boyfriend’??? It means not having one projects you as this ‘supercool’ and ‘gethu’ woman????? Seriously. The kinda theories people come up with. Sigh.
Third point- You dont need this right now! You have an aim….Never lose focus!
Right. There are some maniacs who are apparently head over heels in love with their boyfriends that they:
- Give up their life for him
- Stop studying or fare pathetically in their academics
- Are SO distracted by him that they forget the world exists.
- Lose focus in life (if they even had one)
- Forget about their life itself
- Change plans of pursuing a career and instead get married and settle down
These people do not know of this thing called BALANCING. Ok fine have a boyfriend. But don’t you give equal importance to your life/parents/academics/aim in life, et all? Have a boyfriend, drop everything and run behind him like the world’s him. Or in pursuing one, drop everything and go in search of him. I can never understand this theory of losing focus/interest/get distracted if you have a bf or when you’re in pursue of your crush. Plain dumb. I mean, for one, you need to set your damn priorities right.
I, for one have big time plans to do something proper in life before walking away from it. And, i’m sane enough to know where to draw the line between my love life and professional life. It never comes in my way of anything serious. It stays where it has to. But I dint know alla those plans will eventually get foiled because I try to convey to that dumb guy of mine that I like him or if at all he gets the point and we begin to date, I’ll lose focus in life cos am so pathetically and hopelessly in love with him. I seriously dint know that! Duh.
Whatever has happened to the love factor? Is ego bigger than love? The beautiful feeling when you have a crush on somebody? Even when you know that no way in hell it’ll work out you still have a crush? The butterflies swirling in your stomach? That feeling of anticipation, anxiety, waiting, nail biting, blushing, hoping forever that he’d look at you, that he’ll get your point someday, etc? for a woman especially, it’s a beautiful feeling. Makes you feel alive, feel like a woman. You feel human everyday but these distinct feelings make you feel like a woman. Not just for romantics. If you don’t feel that way, then prolly there’s something wrong with you (women I mean). And your life is most definitely wasted if you hadn’t had a crush at all. I feel sorry for the guys. Poor things.
You have a boyfriend cos you LOVE him; not for the heck of it, to show off, right? Cos when it comes to love, thats all that matters. Not your ego, not your pride, nothing ever. Just that person. You are prolly a moron if you dont get this simple point.