Romance and relationships. Prolly the most hated R words ever, in his dictionary. He failed to see its significance. And why women are gaga over it. Just dint hold any relevance to him. Heck, porn was much better! Women and their feelings and their mushy mushy stuff. And worse, drag a man into it all. He wondered how the poor guy fares to all the torture. I mean, they always, always, overdo things and complicate them. I love you becomes “omg he loves me he loves me” with squeaking and screaming. Really. Leave it to a woman to make anything sound dramatic. Anything in the world.
And that’s how he was made to go averse to a thing as simple as love and romance. Women are darlings. Next to alcohol and sex, romance was something he liked. And bam! Along came the female to ruin it all for him, among all other things in the planet. And so romance has become completely woman flavoured and attained the ‘rosy rosy girly girly’ status. Such a disgrace. Not long before alcohol would also be ruined, he thought. When that day comes, I’ll be the first to suicide. And a death worth dying for, at that. Women. Argh.
And relationships. Another overrated concept. Thanks to women again. A hyped affair, all over again. Gone were the days when relationships meant two people dating. Now, jesus Christ. “He dint call, he did this, no gift for my b’day, I think he likes her, omg he’s checking her out, shit I don’t think he likes me anymore” and on and on. Women sure are blessed with a very wild set of imagination. And they are the only species that ever lived on this planet who can be the perfect examples for the phrase “to build a mountain outta a mole”. Perfect examples. Story tellers personified. Perfect job. They’d shine at it. No doubt. He constantly wondered how, just how guys put up with all this shit. Girlfriends today are ever demanding. And a pain in the ass. A very big pain. Be it the dream girl or whatever girl. Silly beings.
They can take sole responsibility for the fact that romance is tinted with a shade of bright and shocking pink. And hearts. Red hearts. Seriously, is that all there is to romance and love? Women and their ways. Thank god they weren’t made to rule the world. Just imagine. I’d barf every waking minute of my life looking at the injustice they’d have done to the world, he thought.
Texting 24×7. “Couples” calling up and talking god knows what. They apparently “talk” for hours to end. And the worst part is, the poor sods go along with it pretending to, whether they like it or for time pass or if they really got tied into it unknowingly and are now suffering, he had no idea. Poor, poor souls. God bless them.
And guys getting mushy mushy. Yuck. Plain sucks. Sadly, they seem to be forever oblivious to that fact. Forever. Love struck they call it. He snorted. If only they knew how hideous they sounded. They seem to forget their masculinity in the process. What could they possibly be proud of in this? Scoring over a girl? Either she should be dumb enough to let him score over her or he’s plain being fooled. Again something people tend to overlook these days. What a waste of time and money. Money. Spending over lame meetings and koochi-koo-ing sessions. He wondered how the theatre scene would look like if the lights were be left on. Sick.
And the most irritating, pathetic and sickest thing that could ever meet anyone’s eyes is the PDA. On the roads. Gross. Bike rides are fine. But clinging on to the guy as if it’s the end of the world during the ride? How sick can it get? And the women cover their faces. Terrorists look less scary and they look atleast decent. These females. Bad. Damn bad. And the “cousin” factor. Ask the woman who she is with and pat comes the reply “oh he’s my cousin from vellore ya.” Right. I thought he was your boyfriend lady. I thought wrong. Duh! When will these people ever learn?
The hilarious thing: seemingly random females actually asking him out. Nonchalantly. He was appalled, to say the least. Um, is it written across my face that I’m your usual-boyfriend-material-romeo-guy, lady? he asked onea them. She blinked, flashed this bright smile (and pathetic one at that) and said she awaits his freaking reply. Facepalm.
New text. Oh, his bestie. “I wanna go out with you da. Please?” the text read. He was flabbergasted and stared at it with his mouth hanging open for 2 minutes straight. And this was his best friend.
“Bitch!! You too di?! Thu. Go die” and he hit reply. Women!
Relationships. Seriously. Ewwww!!!