Presenting…someone else

So there I was, walking in my society on day.  I see this weird fat kid eating a whole packet of biscuits. I was very hungry, so I avoided him. I then proceeded to drift off to my own ditzy world of Matt and Kim songs on my phone when this kid throws the packet of biscuits down and runs off. “OI” I yelled. He stopped and turned.

“SSSAAPPP BRAH”, he asked me. Kids are like that these days.

“Take that and dump it in the trash”, I ordered him, feeling important and authoritative.

“Fuck you bitch. Sumwun Ells will do it.”

Sumwun Ells?

The way he said “Sumwun Ells” made me think deeply. I sat down in typical Thinker-style and initiated my thought process.  Who the hell is Sumwun Ells? Is it a male? A female? Alien? Dog? Cat? (GOD NO)

For the sake of this argument lets assume its a male. What does he look like? Is he some creepy ass CIA spook? Maybe he is the Slender Man.

Don't worry kids, he's just picking up your trash and creeping all of us out these days.

Whatever he is, hes versatile as hell. Let me enunciate with some weird conversations we all come across everyday :

Conversation 1 :

You : Look at these bloody politicians! Taking all our tax money and all..we should, like, totally shoot them or something.

Other guy : What are you talking about dude?

You : All these corruption scandals and shit…God I hate politicians.

Other : Yeah totally. Want to play FIFA?

You : No. I want to totally throw their stealing, lying, smiling asses behind the locker.

Other : Naah. Sumwun Ells will do it. Want to play FIFA?

You : K.

Conversation 2 :

You : Did you see that?

Other : See what?

You : Those guys on the bikes..they’re being jerks to our college girls.

Other : Oh yeah, them.

You : Dude aren’t you bothered?

Other : LOL What can I do bro? I’m one guy and not even remotely a hero.

You : Let’s just call the cops eh?

Other : Naah, Sumwun Ells will do it.

You : Kk.

Conversation 3 :

You : Dude, stop the fucking car.

Other : Why?

You :  These people want some help..I think some accident has happened.

Other : Let us check.

You : Use your brake buddy, stop the car.

Other (thinks) : Lets just keep it moving.

You : What? Why?!

Other : Let Sumwun Ells do it. You want to get your mind fucked with a police case?

You : Kkk.

This has various corollaries, spinoffs and demonstrations in everyday life. You’ve all seen it before. “Been there, done that”, you say. All of us are so lazy and plain apathetic, that we leave all the work to this poor bastard Sumwun Ells. So, coming back to the main point. Who the hell is this guy?

Pictured : Sumwun Ells?

So this is where my extended metaphor mindfuck gets tricky, so I’ll drop all that nonsense and get straight to it. Sumwun Ells, clearly, is not one person. It is all persons, you included. Unless you take the initiative to do whatever, nothing gets solved. For example :


Pictured above is Mahatma Gandhi, the man who gave the middle finger to the Crown, thereby enabling an entire country give the middle finger to the Crown, which enabled a lot more people to give the finger to their respective oppressors. So clearly, Gandhiji had a lot to be smiling about. He frustrated one of the most powerful countries back then and was successful too. That’s badass on so many levels. Infact, he even has an entire planet full of shits that he did not give about the British. True story.

He took the initiative in this. You can say whatever, but he took a young disorganized movement and made it snowball into something India should be proud of for the next 134135 years. He did it, because he did not just let it pass on to the shoulders of this Sumwun Ells guy. Any why should he?

Why should you?

Why do you?

Whenever we just leave it to Sumwun Ells, we indicate just one goddamned thing :

We don’t have balls to do stuff to get things we want. Seriously, me included. We all need to grow some.

Mr.Tibbitotudackz learnt this the hard way.

There’s so many ridiculous instances when I feel we’ve totally lost interest in everything around us, and only bother about ourselves. There’s injured dogs being ignored, lost kids crying and walking around but no one coming forward, women being eve-teased and so on and fucking fourth. It’s most distressing, simply because of these cruelly true words :

“No one cares, so FUCK YOU (for caring and wanting me to care, you idealistic douche)”

Let me introduce you to my longest finger, reader.

I wonder just what the FUCK anthropologists mean when they say “Humans are social creatures”. If we were even kind of social, we wouldn’t be the world’s most crappy creatures (Won the award for 1414 years in a row, my dog tells me).

Social animals means, and I’m putting this loosely here since I’m not freaking anthropologist – we exist for others and with others, and we will become insane without them.

Yet this is proven wrong over and over and over again. I’ll give you a gripping and disturbing example of this :

The most appalling mindfuck about that was that it happened right next to the police station, which houses some of Coimbatore’s so called “finest” people. Not one of those two wheelers intervened and put an end to it. That amounts to insensitivity and selfishness and if you ask me, is representative of how most of us are.

We give a fuck only about ourselves. Sumwun Ells, in that video, never turned up and therefore a drunk man died.

Posted on January 13, 2012, in Personal Musings. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. To a large part it’s gotta do with how we deal with things, growing up in India so to speak..

    We always gotta avert out eyes and pay a bribe, avert our eyes when a beggar goes by..

    It’s programmed into most people’s subconcious, it’s gonna take a lot of internal strife for anyone to reach out and help a random stranger..

    Forming a huge circle around and watching doesn’t seem to bother anyone though…that’s pure shit.

  2. nic…………..

  1. Pingback: Patriotism ? LoLWuT ? « Craptivate

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