Russia is awesome

Yes it is. Atleast based on most YouTube videos that I’ve seen of Russia. Here’s why.

1. They’re Vodka-filled madmen.

I’m not really going to sit here and explain what Vodka is. If you have to ask, then maybe you should simply walk away from this blog, and the internet, and go and sit under a banyan tree and wait for enlightenment.

But if you do know what Vodka is, then you fall into three categories :

1) You know what it is, but you haven’t tasted it.

2) You have tasted it and consequently found yourself crashing like a bag of rocks falling at 300 kmph.

3) You’re Russian and you find it weird that the first two categories exist.

If you’re Russian, welcome to Craptivate. Its nice to have you here. Based on a multitude of YouTube videos, and several other reliable sources like 9Gag, it’s easy to infer that Russians are clearly unaffected by Vodka in quantities that would make even a controlled person like me dance naked on top of a car.

So you can only imagine how phenomenally awesome it is when even the Russians lose their sense of control, spatial bearings and perceived enemies.

For example :

CLEARLY the tree was at fault. It started it, and we could all confirm it if only the video wasn’t in 120p.

Ok let’s not make fun of some poor guys personal issues with wooden, leafy things. I don’t know what alcohol does to you (considering how I’ve not tried it myself) but I’m pretty sure it makes you elated.

Elated enough to hang out of a moving bus screaming how elated you are, before gravity hits you in the form of a macadamized road.

2. They don’t have a habit of giving a fuck.

See, another consequence of being Russian is that it’s just enormously difficult to give a fuck, or even half a fuck. Infact, their country is so large, it’s completely devoid of any type of fucks or shits or DAMNs.

That’s why Russians don’t let minor things, like being drunk, bother them as they go about their day to day duties.

Like being a traffic cop :

At 0:28, he’s so drunk he probably went “Fuck dis shit. Give me more vodka.” to himself and simply downed some more of whatever made him drunk in the first place.

That’s awesome. Russia’s awesome. As a YouTube comment said, “You know a country is serious business when even the cops are drunk.”

3. They love fighting.

There’s simply no country that can match Russia in the sheer number of fights that probably occur every single day, since..well that’s the obvious fallout when you’re drunk (most of the time) and also don’t know what “giving a fuck means”.

I ask you, can your country match this drunken badassery :

Four guys on one, then four guys on four. They get laid out. Their drunken asses get handed back to them by possibly the hardest security guys in all of Europe. And then, when everything is finished, one of the security guys remembers he has a gun and waves it at the now-knocked out alcoholics.

A freaking gun. After everyone is done with the hand-to-hand chaos, he takes out his gun. If that’s not called NOT giving a fuck, then I don’t know what is.

Was he so confident he would wipe the floor with the asses of the drunk guys that he didn’t need a gun?

Anyway, this happens at 2:18. There’s simply nothing, nothing more extravagant than swaggering in the way that guy did at 2:18 and saying “You tasted my fist. Try something more and you’ll taste lead“. Or something.

I’ll never be a good writer of movie script dialogues.

Ok forget that. Look at these guys, fighting for apparently no reason at all. Makes no sense to me. I also found it strangely hilarious about how the other cars simply drove away, saying “Meh”. Everything about this fight is awesome, right from the biker knocking out the first guy with a single punch to how the knocked out guy then lurches back into the fight.

4. Various combinations and intensities of all three.

Look at this :

Some dude has rammed his car into some other car. Instead of asking him to GTFO the car, the cop is kicking the bastard while he’s sitting in the car.

Then the kicked guy reverses his car and drives it into a poor, poor Porsche and then into various other cars. At this point I’m going to assume he’s drunk, because it’s Russia and also since it’s my blog post and I can assume whatever the hell I want.

He is attacked by various citizens, excluding a guy in a green jump-suit at 1:04 who looks simply too bored to participate in the chaos. Then we see a plethora of Russians talking something in..uh..Russian. And yes, of course, in the end you have 3 cops sitting on the perp. Because fuck him.

Infact the only thing that can even stop this continuous rampage of crazy Russian people is wolves. Like legit, wolves.

This is one of the various reasons I’m totally glad India and Russia are bros that are cool with each other. I wouldn’t like to mess with these guys.

Posted on May 9, 2012, in Just For Laughs. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

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