10 mustaches that don’t work.

I’ve come across a lot of mustache styles, living in Chennai. I don’t like mustaches. I try as much as possible to not have one, but I do anyway because of fucking hormones and genes and biology and shit.

Here are some mustache styles that much be banned outright :

1.The rugged man

How you think you look :

You’re a rugged no-nonsense hero; a strong alpha male who will stop at nothing till he gets the blood and tears of his enemies and perceived enemies.

How you actually look :

People call 911 when they see you. Children cry and have nightmares at night.

2.The Chevron

How you think you look :

You were the heart-throb of ladies when you were 1 year old and you know you’ll remain that way even at 90. You receive atleast 484 love notes a week before Valentines and you have multiple stalkers.

How you actually look :

You have several restraining orders against you, plus you’re often mistaken to be a petty thief and beaten up.

3.The English

How you think you look :

A gentleman. Rolls-Royce automatically sends you a car wherever you are. You drink nothing but tea and have been Knighted everyweek of your existence.

How you actually look :

The military is issued shoot at sight orders every time you step out of the house. You are not allowed within 50 km of people.

4.Handlebar

How you think you look :

You have a party going on in your face and man, does it draw the ladies. You also have several weapons hidden in your mustache, and you can kill me if you want to and no one will know.

How you actually look :

People ask you why there’s a caterpillar on your face, sending you into bouts of tears.

5.Horseshoe

How you think you look :

You can pound anyones ass by just looking at them. You are a red-blooded male who eats bears and tigers for fun, and yet, you run a baby-sitting center for the children of supermodels.

How you actually look :

You’re wanted for money laundering in Zimbabve and your family doesn’t have the heart to tell you it’s not 1970 anymore.

6.Painters brush

How you think you look :

You wake up every morning covered in women of various nationalities. You are also the worlds richest man by virtue of “I can’t compete with that”.

How you actually look :

You get locked in your office during the vacations. You plan to survive on the office plants, but they die when you approach them and rot within 10 seconds.

7.The pencil

How you think you look :

You are a man of intellect. A man who commands so much respect, you’re on the boardroom of every Fortune 500 company. Even invading aliens spare you and your family, because you can finish them off if you felt like it.

How you actually look :

Everybody hates you, including me. You’re despicable and vile and have no reason to exist, apart from maintaining the balance in the universe.

8.Toothbrush

How you think you look :

You are a vile, disgusting and evil human person and you love yourself for it. You plan to conquer the world and fill it up with blond haired and blue eyed people.

How you actually look :

Puppies laugh at you when you get up in the morning and attempt to water your plants. Your daughter has safety-proofed your entire house because you get injured just getting out of bed.

9.Walrus

How you think you look :

You can call upon your horses and cause a stampede because, fuck you, thats why. You’re the hardest man in town and no one can lay a finger on you without spontaneously combusting.

How you actually look :

You’re not human.

10. The Clean-shave.

How you think you look :

You’re the person who fell out of a rainbow into a pot of milk, honey, platinum and gold. Women from all the universes love you.

How you actually look :

Posted on May 26, 2012, in Just For Laughs, Lists. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. ROFL … .

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