Kolkata Knight Riders are winners of IPL 5.
SRK was euphoric, the dirtiest city in India was euphoric, the rest of India were delirious as the ‘Madraasis’ didn’t achieve a hat trick of IPL titles.
All this can mean only one thing.
You guessed it,
This is how the match fixing incident transpired.
Disclaimer : All the information below is from highly trustworthy sources with unquestionable credentials. If you do have any doubts regarding their information, you will be branded a heretic and burnt at the stake.
Now that I’ve made myself clear, let me get on with the narrative.
SRK was staying in his room at Taj Coromandel when he suddenly got an irresistible urge to win the IPL trophy.
He snuck out of the hotel and went to meet N. Srinivasan and begged him to make CSK throw the match.
Srinivasan, being the guy with conflicting interests and a known match fixer was interested. Who cares in whose favour the match is fixed? It has to be fixed, that’s all.
He thought long and hard and laid down a few ground rules.
1. Sunil Narine should not get any wickets and become the Purple Cap winner.
2. Yusuf Pathan should not do a repeat of 2008 and win the match for KKR.
3. Gautam Gambhir should get out cheaply. This is to justify Kohli’s selection as vice-captain for the upcoming ODI series.
4. There should be an Indian match winner. This to show that the IPL promotes domestic talent. SRK was prompt to suggest his water boy,
Bisleri Bisla for the role.
To make it appear convincing, Srinivasan also bribed Simon Taufel and Billy Bowden.
As a parting gift, Srinivasan who has a lot of money, gave SRK 50 rupees for auto fare and sent him off.
This is how CSK threw the match.
Hussey and Vijay did not score centuries.
Raina hit less than 10 sixes.
CSK let SRK wear his coolers at night despite knowing that it was a bad omen.
CSK scored only 190 in 20 overs.
Taufel as promised, ruled a full toss a no ball even though Shakib had advanced to hit it.
Dhoni, sensing that KKR could lose did not field a man at square leg or deep square despite tossing the ball to Bravo, a fast bowler.
So there you have it.KKR won because the match was fixed. CSK fixed their way to the final and KKR went one step further and won it.
PS : This is something that has been bothering me since I first heard the name KKR. I thought I’d mention it earlier but they never did do anything to warrant any interest in them. Anyways, what the hell do you mean by Kolkata Knight Riders? Knights ride horses. Knight riders would imply creepy blokes who sit on the shoulders of knights while they charge into battle. Or it could mean a totally different thing in a totally different context. And knowing SRK, I’m pretty sure that is what it means.