So I was telling my bestie about my recent and yet another failed attempt to convey my goddamned feelings to my three year long crush when she very casually narrowed the whole thing down to three very, very ridiculous points which left me peeved upon hearing:
1. You never have hopes on men! Most important lesson in life. And I think you’re very much self sufficient and I wonder why you need a guy….get over it, first!
2. You have to get to this state where you should feel its not necessary for you at all.
3. You dont need this right now! You have an aim….Never lose focus!
And i was expecting to be understood. I was blown away instead.
Firstly, am not ridiculing what she said. And I totally agree with the ‘you can never have hopes on men’ part but. She’s said it in a very convincing way to make me feel better and obviously, outta concern for me. I get that point. What I don’t get though, is, the way having a boyfriend or simply having a crush is viewed as by many intellectual people today. They think they’r smart which is plain pathetic. Stupid it is.
So, this is how having a boyfriend is viewed as- you have one when you’r insecure, cos you’re bored, cos you want to experiment, when your life isn’t what, sufficient? Not fulfilling? Does it mean you should have a boyfriend just for the heck of it? The LOVE part is totally absent? Just for time pass? Just to flaunt to the world that you’ve a boyfriend? So apparently, girls who’ve a lot on their plate, so called good girls, girls who have everything they’ve wanted mustn’t have boyfriends? Grrrrrr. Whatever happened to the fact that you have a boyfriend simply cos you actually LOVE him?! What, the love factor is totally lost????
The first question I’m asked, (accusingly) by everyone (alla them committed ladies at that) with eyebrows raised is “why’d you need a bf now???” (all this assuming the fact that letting my crush know I like him automatically means am doing it cos I want him for a bf 😐 ) Oh dint ya know? To help me with my homework everyday. Seriously. Seriously. And ask some lovely darlings out there why they dont have one and they say all proudly “I don’t need a bf thank you” as if it degrades them. Seriously. Some people think you get to the point of having a bf only when you think you need to complete your life. Which is…….stupid.
Second point. “You have to get to this state where you should feel its not necessary for you at all” So its like, having one is like an accessory you wear. Its not exactly necessary but it just adds to your image if you wear one. So having a bf is like, what, an insult to oneself? It means you’re looked upon as weak that attaining the point of not saying “wow see i dont need a bf ^_^” gives you a sense of self actualization ? 
Like, its an achievement when you think ‘i dont need a boyfriend’??? It means not having one projects you as this ‘supercool’ and ‘gethu’ woman????? Seriously. The kinda theories people come up with. Sigh.
Third point- You dont need this right now! You have an aim….Never lose focus!
Right. There are some maniacs who are apparently head over heels in love with their boyfriends that they:
- Give up their life for him
- Stop studying or fare pathetically in their academics
- Are SO distracted by him that they forget the world exists.
- Lose focus in life (if they even had one)
- Forget about their life itself
- Change plans of pursuing a career and instead get married and settle down
These people do not know of this thing called BALANCING. Ok fine have a boyfriend. But don’t you give equal importance to your life/parents/academics/aim in life, et all? Have a boyfriend, drop everything and run behind him like the world’s him. Or in pursuing one, drop everything and go in search of him. I can never understand this theory of losing focus/interest/get distracted if you have a bf or when you’re in pursue of your crush. Plain dumb. I mean, for one, you need to set your damn priorities right.
I, for one have big time plans to do something proper in life before walking away from it. And, i’m sane enough to know where to draw the line between my love life and professional life. It never comes in my way of anything serious. It stays where it has to. But I dint know alla those plans will eventually get foiled because I try to convey to that dumb guy of mine that I like him or if at all he gets the point and we begin to date, I’ll lose focus in life cos am so pathetically and hopelessly in love with him. I seriously dint know that! Duh.
Whatever has happened to the love factor? Is ego bigger than love? The beautiful feeling when you have a crush on somebody? Even when you know that no way in hell it’ll work out you still have a crush? The butterflies swirling in your stomach? That feeling of anticipation, anxiety, waiting, nail biting, blushing, hoping forever that he’d look at you, that he’ll get your point someday, etc? for a woman especially, it’s a beautiful feeling. Makes you feel alive, feel like a woman. You feel human everyday but these distinct feelings make you feel like a woman. Not just for romantics. If you don’t feel that way, then prolly there’s something wrong with you (women I mean). And your life is most definitely wasted if you hadn’t had a crush at all. I feel sorry for the guys. Poor things.
You have a boyfriend cos you LOVE him; not for the heck of it, to show off, right? Cos when it comes to love, thats all that matters. Not your ego, not your pride, nothing ever. Just that person. You are prolly a moron if you dont get this simple point.
Craptivate 
Hello Ank. =D I love how you’ve put forward the whole scenario of judgement that particularly girls face. If you have a boyfriend, tsk tsk. If you don’t have one, tsk tsk. Simple as this, people cannot shut up about anything. They always have something to say about a person’s relationship status. They consider their day incomplete otherwise.
There are people who truly love each other and decide to get into a relationship purely based on that reason. Having said that, there is a significant number of people that get into relationships for the sake of it too. Status symbol’s the word. Now how you can distinguish and judge is unclear and might as well not be done. But then again, everyone has something to say, and no one can really control that. The views on relationships being distractions, well, they’re subjective. If you’re someone who bases her happiness and life on a relationship to the point it’s unhealthy, you need to figure out your priorities. Simple as that. And if you’re someone who holds herself in high esteem because you don’t have a boyfriend (waste of time, in their words) and everyone else does, don’t flatter yourself, you never know when that feeling of attraction can sweep you off your feet, put logic off track and take you by surprise. And that’s how life rolls.
Hello! Yes i agree to what you’ve said but sadly i dont get the point you’re trying to make 😀
See, i criticized the stereotype that’s been cast today on women and it pisses me, for i’m a hopeless romantic, swear by love blah and blah. When i sincerely like a guy and my friends put me into those categories listed above, its like- bah. When i had a bf, i was bloody happy, got great marks, that was the time my writing stint initiated, my skill was known by everyone, my HOD loved me, gave me responsibilities like Editor of my department magazine, etc. Alla these happened when he came into my life. He was sorta like my lucky charm actually. Life was perfect and bliss. I was not distracted, did not put him above any damn body else, most of all above myself and i balanced things wonderfully. Something i hadn’t done before. Heck, i scored well in college for the first time in 2 years. Yet, everybody kept telling me having a bf is a distracting it’ll ruin your mind body n soul blah n blah and it was not pleasant to hear cos i wasn’t like the other ppl who completely lost it thanks to their relationship status. That stereotype was what pissed me off.
And no, i did not shed a single tear (but yeah i was depressed like hell) upon his break up which was a month and a half after “getting committed”, 2 days before my birthday and a month before my exams. Sem exams at that. I scored an all time high in the history of my college marks. He also dropped a sizable bomb on the day before onea my exams.
People belonging to those above categories are in my opinion pathetic and when people try to include me in those categories, i’ll scream and spew venom in frustration, like this 😛 But now after reading this post, i realize i’ve written it in a maniacal frame of mind 😛
First off, the point I was trying to make was that people shouldn’t judge too quickly. Those with boyfriends shouldn’t be judged as people who have messed up priorities, and those without, shouldn’t be judged as particularly stable or focused or however the cliche goes, because anything can happen to either of those people to alter those perceptions. That was the point. =)
Being in a relationship is a wonderful lesson. It teaches you a lot of things, if you’re willing to learn. Personally, I haven’t had the opportunity to learn, but that’s totally okay. =D Point being that, as much as there are people as focused as you and willing to learn from their relationship experiences, there are also people who look at it casually and as an escape or some sort of an LSD from and of their ‘mundane’ lives, and in the end, end up learning nothing from their experiences and make the same mistake all over again, relationship after relationship.
I understand that this is purely a rant, and that you mean no harm to aforementioned judgmental beings in a sane state of mind =P,
😛 Funny life it is and nope, i am not at all focussed its just that somehow, miraculously, i’m able to separate some things. I just dont’ve a sane enough reason as to why. 🙂
Thanks for reading my post (posts also i hope? 😛 ) and commenting 🙂 feels nice to know that people still read what i wrote months back 😛
wanna tag my first blog to this ? 😉 ..i’ll be gratified if you link it to the “good girl” syndrome
Lol yeah go ahead 😀
“I feel sorry for the guys. Poor things.”- I totally agree! 😀
well said Anky..:D
Thanks 🙂